Last night our Stake had it's bi-annual Stake Priesthood meeting at the Hurst Texas Stake Center. There were many good talks, including a slide that showed the growth of the LDS church since it's restoration in 1830 and the rapid growth in the last 3 decades to it's current population of over 13 million members world wide. One talk, no one comment, stood out from the rest of the messages (and it wasn't the story by Elder Worthlin about the blind date that was taught in Sacrament meeting, my son's Sunday School class and again in the Priesthood meeting). The message was almost an after thought but the delivery was strong and pointed and I feel I must declare it again to anyone that may be reading this entry and may be struggling with the concept.
"TURN OFF THE VIDEO GAMES!" was the message by a member of our Stake Presidency. He didn't state we should ban video games. In context it was more of a chastisement for those that sacrifice time, especially time with their family, for the thrill of a video game. I know several individuals that are wrapped up in games and I myself have experienced seasons of OCD on a game. The message is simple: TURN OFF THE VIDEO GAMES.
If you're obsessed with a game, find yourself communicating more with online individuals through avatars, chat, video or voice than your own family, or just find yourself lacking time to accomplish responsibilities with which you've been tasked, TURN OFF THE VIDEO GAMES.
Easy message. It's not anti-gaming as I enjoy a good game now and then. It's about personal time management, self worth and value, and balancing value with frivolity. Take a step back, evaluate and then look again. Is the time you spend on a game excessive? Is it causing you to neglect your family? Do you tend to deprive yourself of sleep so as to conquer just one more level? TURN OFF THE VIDEO GAMES.
Now if you were present at the meeting, you'll also note that video games were not the only mark of chastisement and just so you sports lovers don't think you're off the hook, the evaluation of time spent on sports, whether viewed or played, should likewise be evaluated and so it is with this final line I change my prose: BACK AWAY FROM THE GAME.
I think I can...
8 hours ago
13 comments:
I think that is an important message. If I allowed my children to play whenever they would play every waking minute. A couple of years ago we banned week day play so now they have time on Friday and Saturday to play and that's it. It has helped our family tremendously.
And as an adult, I find that the computer eats up a lot of my time so I am trying to be better at limiting my time on the computer. It's not easy to weed out the "non essentials" in life :)
Everything to the Glory of God. At least, that's what we /should/ be doing, right? I'm a big gamer, and used to play games a lot. And I mean, a LOT. I recently logged in over 100 hours on Fallout 3, and that was within the first week and a half of the game being released. I've recently decided, "enough is enough," and here's why: Everything to the Glory of God.
Video games are like any form of entertainment. They can be fun, relieve stress, be social, take up time, become addictive, invite or chase away the spirit, etc. There's nothing inherently wrong with the *medium* of video games. Treat them like you do movies. If a particular game chases away the spirit, don't play it. If it dominates your life and you spend too much time playing, don't play it. Same can be said about *any* entertainment (movies, tv, sports, hunting, shopping, etc).
So definately good advice, just put it into the context of Everything To The Glory of God. How is playing this game enhancing the Glory of God?
-BKN
AMEN! AMEN! Video games make people fat, lazy, and stupid and interfere with everything that is more important: family, God, chores, exercise, reading, etc. I resent the machine that resides in our house. Tho B loves it, he agrees that for M, no exposure until he is potty trained, can read, and has learned other skills and activities. Video Game management is battle I refuse to inflict upon myself.
I *don't* agree with that sentiment. In fact, having that point of view can be rather detrimental in a relationship if one of the partners enjoys that form of entertainment. If your husband likes games, and you feel that way about games, what you're telling him is that you think your husband is fat, lazy, and stupid. Do you really want to tell your husband this?
PLEASE remember that video games are just another form of entertainment, and like ALL entertainment has their pros and cons. MANY games are excellent and promote great qualities in people (keep in mind, that the VAST majority of video games are rated E for Everyone, and only about 20% of the games on the market are rated M). There are of course some games that are bad.
Just like EVERYTHING in life, you have to balance what you do. Moderation in all things, n'est-ce pas? But that doesn't mean video games are evil. And I fear for your relationship if you "hate" something that your partner "loves". It will create a wall between you two that will only grow over the years :(
-BKN
I think where Bryce has taken the ideology is IMHO correct in that the tool or medium is not innately evil but how we use the medium may become such. Conversely, it does take great strength and energy with some games to tear oneself away from them (that's part of the design of the game to make it more marketable and attracting). Other games also should be completely avoided as they are blatantly evil.
Those cases aside, it is up to the individual to choose their own path and to what level they'll allow themselves to engage with the game or place time and value on God, family and community.
We've taken game play to the situation commented on by Karen in the first comment in that our kids are free, to some extend, to play on Friday nights and some on Saturday. Discretion is up to the parents, as it should be, and our kids find that after a time they'd rather go and play outside or together away from the consoles.
Moderation, constant evaluation, and Glory to God is truly a balancing order to be followed.
And that advice can/should be given for EVERYTHING, not just games. Being a "gamer" myself, I take offense when people are quick to try to blame games for problems, when in reality, they are symptoms to deeper problems. For example, when the media is quick to blame games for various tragedies, it's very disheartening especially when you look at the facts, you can see that games really aren't that bad (check out this post http://www.gamedaily.com/articles/features/the-truth-about-violent-youth-and-video-games/?biz=).
But I digress.
The point here is that regardless of the entertainment, how is affecting your service to the Lord and your family? Whether it's hunting, working, shopping, movies, games, music, nights-out, reading, sports, etc. ALL of these mediums have the same danger that gaming can have: they can be addictive, pull you from more important aspects of life, be costly, distort your perspective, and make you irresponsible in general.
I personally don't care *what* choices my children make on which entertainment they choose to participate in. In other words, I don't care if they want to play basketball, have an air-soft war, or play Halo. What I look for is how they are allowing the entertainment to control their lives. Then we discuss boundaries, bridling passions as they say, and my kids are really good right now (ages 11 and 10) at recognizing if the activity is inviting the spirit or chasing it away. Once they spot this, they tend to "police" themselves.
I just point it out to them if it starts getting out of hand and let them make their own decisions. I feel this way, when they are out of the house, they are now armed with greater skills on controlling their own lives. Otherwise, they might just indulge too much once they're on their own.
-BKN
I suppose if I were, in fact, fat, lazy and stupid that my wife, of all people, would have the stones to tell me. Video games are often a vice, not just entertainment. I can't think of other "entertainment" that entices one to "play" at the rate most "gamers" admit to.
I agree that moderation in all things can be an underlying message here, yet moderation is the tricky part. I appreciate that my wife is not afraid to remind me how worthless video games really are. Yet she still allows me to play. She has a right to resent it, it doesn't mean our relationship suffers.
As a teacher, I see first hand the damaging effects video games are having on our young people. If anyone thinks that games like Halo, Gears of War, and Call of Duty aren't damaging to the kids that play them, spend 7 hours a day with young people, it will be obvious.
Good for Stake President for saying what they all should be saying. We must prioritize our lives to what matters most. Sad if video games make that list.
*above comments sole opinion of commenter, not necessarily of this blog, and are not intended for malice.
Are you serious?!? You think video games are more damaging than alcohol? Shopping can be a lot more dangerous for some than video games. Looking around (I live in Utah) at how some people treat Hunting, and it's more "dangerous" than video games. Sports, both watching and playing, can be just as addictive as a video game.
ALL forms of entertainment can be vices. Video games do not have any kind of monopoly on being abused.
IMHO, if you feel your wife has a "right" to resent something you are doing, then perhaps you should stop doing something she resents. It *will* damage a relationship if you persist to do something she hates watching you do. Flip the coin. If you allowed her to do something you hated her doing, say drinking wine with every meal, how would you feel? If she hates your "vice", you should give it up before your relationship does suffer.
I'm not trying to say that people shouldn't allow their significant others to do things they wouldn't want to do. In other words, I'm not super keen on shopping for clothes. Does this mean I don't let her? Of course not! The key here though is I don't *resent* her shopping. I do occassionally play games, such as Rock Band, Lord of the Rings Online, etc. My wife rarely plays with me, but allows it, and as long as I do it in moderation (and usually I'm doing it with our kids) she doesn't hate it. If she were to hate it, I would NOT do it.
Why would anyone do something their spouse hates?
All interesting feedback and opinions. Let's focus in though on the topic and not the personal attacks. As the written word has a way of being interpreted and often misconstrued, please contain comments to the topic and respect the opinions of others as just that, opinions.
Very interesting discussion! It has brought to mind Elder Oaks' talk "Good, Better, Best".
There are a lot of things that damage marriage and I think we all have our escape methods. I love games myself, but I have chosen not to play unless it is a special occassion, like my kids asking me to play once in a while or going to my brother's. I get too wrapped up in games and want to beat them. I am much better off playing quick games like Fusion Frenzy. I was also proud of myself for quitting computer games like Solitairre which I seemed to do when I was procrastinating, feeling blah, etc.
My husband shared something nice with me. He doesn't play a ton of Xbox, but he would play with the kids on the weekends and sometimes that carried on for a bit long. He said he used to think that was bonding with them, but when he started going to the temple once a week, it dawned on him how he's not really interracting with them when they play. He says now he prefers to do things where they are talking to each other and learning about each other.
With gaming, it's easy to tune out your family and it's hard to step away for a moment if you're playing something you can't pause, even if you fully intend to stop in "just a second". Time passes quickly before you realize you've been on for hours. I still tease my husband about the time we went to visit his parents (before we had a computer) and he played Warcraft for 8 hours straight. It had been a long time since he had been able to unwind, but I was bored silly and seriously could not get him to get off. He kept telling me he was almost done. His parents live in a small town where there isn't much to do, the family tends to keep to themselves reading books and stuff, I had just read a book until I got a headache, they didn't have cable, and I just wanted him to get off and spend some time with me. I tried everything and finally decided to walk to Hogie Yogie and get myself a sandwich and a smoothie.
When I got back, he said, "You went to Hogi Yogi without me?" "Yeah." I would've gotten off if I knew you were going there!" I cracked up. I said, "Ohhhhhhh ... I see! You'll get off for food, but you won't get off for me?" He grinned sheepishly.
With some friends of mine, it has become a serious issue in their marriage. With one couple, the husband would game 3 nights a week and all day on Saturday (with friends online). When my friend wants to visit teach me, she tells me that she can only do a certain night because that is the night her husband has agreed not to game - otherwise, he won't watch the kids. He'll have his headphones on and not pay attention to what they're doing. She got him to cut back to two nights a week and that was a compromise, but she still resents the lack of attention and help around the house. When my husband was there on a Saturday doing work for them (some of it easy work that the husband could have done, so they ended up paying him more), they were getting ready to go somewhere and as he was playing his games, he was telling his wife to hurry up and get the kids ready and telling the kids, "Tell Mommy to get your shoes on. Tell Mommy to give you a bath." Ok, there's probably something deeper going on than the gaming, but he has perfected the art of using it to get out of doing stuff he doesn't want to do.
A family could feel just as ignored, I think, with a mom who won't get off the phone. Yes, she is "there" and she can multitask, but is she interracting with anyone? No. I have a friend who likes to talk on the phone all day and can't understand why her kids are acting up. I think she uses it as an escape, but the kids act up, causing her to want to escape more. It is fun to talk on the phone, and it is good to strengthen and create new friendships, but our kids need some undivided attention every day.
Not too long ago, our stake president specifically singled out the game "World of Warcraft" because there have been numerous complaints about it. It's not just the time it takes up, but he said that a lot of people have been getting into inappropriate conversations with people they're not married to.
The following stake conference, he challenged us to have a 3 day technology fast where we turn off the computers, cell phones (stating that the kids are addicted to texting), Blackberries, TV, etc., with the exception of what you need for work. That actually sounded hard to me, but when we had a 5 day power outage, I actually felt free having all of that gone for a while. It's silly that I don't self-impose that more. I should.
I was going to say too that working on your family history is a great way to spend your time, but even that can be taken to extremes. My friend's husband is a workaholic and after he's done working, he's obsessing over family history to the point of neglecting his family.
There has to be a balance. I guess that's my main point. It's easy to become unbalanced. For me, I have to control how much I get wrapped up in interesting discussions! Like I said, time passes quickly. There will always be an interesting discussion going on somewhere and some of them I will just have to miss.
+1
That's what I've been trying to say all along. Video games aren't the problem here, it's people abusing a pasttime that is the problem. Unfortunately, a lot of people look at video games with relative innocence, but as Sarah pointed out, the same mistake can be done with Family History, Talking on the Phone (or shall we just say Gossiping?), etc.
Moderation in all things, all glory to God, and you can find your proper balance between your entertainment, family, church and life.
-BKN
Hey, I talked on the phone today and I only gossiped a little bit!
;-D
Actually the conversation consisted of a talk about finances, are we going to that "party" tonight (one of those make-up parties where they want us to buy stuff), why does it seem like everyone can afford to go to the Great Wolf Lodge but me, are our husbands' jobs secure, that one episode of The Office was hilarious, I'm sorry I couldn't come over today, that sucks you're getting another c-section and I'm glad I didn't have one, how my husband's friend died and the autopsy revealed nothing, and what's wrong with these dumb teenagers who are texting each other nude photos and getting arrested for manufacturing, distributing, and possessing child pornography, and is throwing them in jail really the answer since they are just following the shining example of adults who do the same thing?
I got my dishes done and my socks sorted during this eventful conversation. Sweet!
Sorry, back to the topic.
I think we all deserve some time just to veg and do what we like to unwind, but like Greg's stake pres. said (sounds like an awesome guy), it's time to knock it off when it is interfering with sleep, work, daily devotionals,family, household duties, etc.
I made the decision not to have cable. Why? Because there is ALWAYS something good on. We used to have cable and there were times I would be on the verge of going out and then would realize, "Ooh! Uncle Buck is on!" It's too tempting with cable here, so I guess we're going to do the silly digital converter box thing. Having cartoon channels, it would become a battle with the kids. It's a special treat to watch when they go to Grandma's anyway. (I guess I have no problem with my parents being overindulgent TV watchers.)
I think a good idea is to ask yourself at the end of the day:
Did I do anything special with my kids and spouse today?
Are the chores done?
Did I serve anyone today?
Did I strengthen a friendship today or reach out to help form a new friendship?
Did I pray/read the scriptures today?
I actually gave a talk on this subject: What are your goals? What do you do in your free time? And how does what you do in your free time contribute to your goals?
Since then I've taken a special interest in topics like these. I think whenever I get a talk topic, it's something I need to work on.
Thanks for the reminder, Greg (not that I play video games, but it helped me examine again how I'm using my time). And now I am going to use my time to make dinner and help with homework. :)
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